Say Hello to my fat friend

I am a 43 year old woman. I have done all kinds of work. but for the last 10 years its been mainly janitorial.. i have tons of energy,loves to stay busy. i am having to find other work. due to my arms,elbows. i have double carpal tunnel and double tennis in both elbows. so i try not to mess them up. have has shots to the max. so i am hoping to find more work.
my work history ranges from OTR driver for 15 years,Class A I do have, also working work a roofing company as many things, office ,sales,cleaner,production(company closed and moved away).drove school bus for head start,daycare ,tried for gwinnett county but was told i was too fat(by two inches),i have worked as a cna.at the daycare i was the bus driver/cook..
so if your needing an older woman to work for you or if you would just give me a chance(you will not regret it),i would greatly appreciate it.
i just cant keep slinging commercial mops all day or the heavy floor equipment that i have.

To: Jobseeker

I have a job for you. Are you interested?

To: Trolling Craig

Yes. What is the job and what is the pay?

Melissa

To: Melissa

First I need to ask you a couple questions. Is this a secure line? OK. Do you have any weapons training and how many languages do you speak?

To: Trolling Craig

Is this a joke?

To: Melissa

Hardly. It is a job of National Security and I think you may be the perfect person. I have accepted a contract to eliminate a certain Iranian politician but I cannot find a pet sitter for my cat so I need to sub-contract the job out. You would be perfect.

To: Trolling Craig

I don’t know anything about Iran.

To: Melissa

Not a problem. I just need somebody that looks good in a burka and is pretty thick. I bought a burka but it is an extra large. Are you fat? You sound a little fat. You don’t even need to know how to speak Arabic. Women are not allowed to talk there. I just need you to hide a small rocket launcher under your She-Tent and when he tries to make the mad camel love to you….pull it out and let him say hello to your little friend. Are you in?

To: Trolling Craig

You are an asshole. I knew I should not have put this on CL.

To: Mellisa

Is that a no?