North Jersey Humanitarian

Good afternoon, My name is Patty and Im posting this ad hoping someone can help……..I know a family in nnj I met them off a chat group in yahoo. The mom is a single mom raising 3 children on her own and expecting one on the way. She is in need of help for the holidays. Her childrens father is not in the country and she has gone for state benifits and right now is is need, not only that she is also in need for the holidays. If anyone can help me please e-mail me back. I will give more info in a private e-mail……..

To: Patty

Patty, your story and selfless interest in this woman has lit a fire of compassion in my heart. I can only imagine how rough it must be for her during the holidays, with her husband abroad. That is why I will offer my services to her in her time of need. I am in North Jersey and I can see her on Tuesdays and Fridays. Of course someone will have to watch her kids, but I can devote at least 3-4 hours to her.

To: Trolling Craig

Actually we were looking for financial donations, but what service are you offering.

To: Patty

Don’t be naïve. With her husband out of the country and with three kids, this woman needs drilling worse than a West Hastings Oil Field. I am your man. I am 6’2” 187 lbs and hung pretty above average. I have 20 years experience in the field and am proficient in all positions.

To: Trolling Craig

You are a pig. This woman is pregnant and falling on hard times.

To: Patty

Wow. Talk about unappreciative. Here I am trying to reach out and touch a fellow human being’s life in this holiday season and you call me a pig? Maybe you need my services also. Tuesdays and Fridays are probably booked, but I can work you in on Monday, but it has to be before noon. BTW the pregnant thing is not a problem; I am very experienced in the Kama Sutra. I am sure we can find a position to suit her.

To: Trolling Craig

Why do you have to be an asshole? She needs your money not your wiener.

To: Patty

How do you know she doesn’t need my wiener? You haven’t seen it. It is pretty impressive. It goes about 10.5 and can be kinda tuff to get your hand around. She may need it pretty bad. I am betting she is drying up like an Oklahoma corn crop. I can fix that.

To: Trolling Craig

You are such a jerk……. 10.5 really???? You said you are in North Jersey?

Say Hello to my fat friend

I am a 43 year old woman. I have done all kinds of work. but for the last 10 years its been mainly janitorial.. i have tons of energy,loves to stay busy. i am having to find other work. due to my arms,elbows. i have double carpal tunnel and double tennis in both elbows. so i try not to mess them up. have has shots to the max. so i am hoping to find more work.
my work history ranges from OTR driver for 15 years,Class A I do have, also working work a roofing company as many things, office ,sales,cleaner,production(company closed and moved away).drove school bus for head start,daycare ,tried for gwinnett county but was told i was too fat(by two inches),i have worked as a cna.at the daycare i was the bus driver/cook..
so if your needing an older woman to work for you or if you would just give me a chance(you will not regret it),i would greatly appreciate it.
i just cant keep slinging commercial mops all day or the heavy floor equipment that i have.

To: Jobseeker

I have a job for you. Are you interested?

To: Trolling Craig

Yes. What is the job and what is the pay?

Melissa

To: Melissa

First I need to ask you a couple questions. Is this a secure line? OK. Do you have any weapons training and how many languages do you speak?

To: Trolling Craig

Is this a joke?

To: Melissa

Hardly. It is a job of National Security and I think you may be the perfect person. I have accepted a contract to eliminate a certain Iranian politician but I cannot find a pet sitter for my cat so I need to sub-contract the job out. You would be perfect.

To: Trolling Craig

I don’t know anything about Iran.

To: Melissa

Not a problem. I just need somebody that looks good in a burka and is pretty thick. I bought a burka but it is an extra large. Are you fat? You sound a little fat. You don’t even need to know how to speak Arabic. Women are not allowed to talk there. I just need you to hide a small rocket launcher under your She-Tent and when he tries to make the mad camel love to you….pull it out and let him say hello to your little friend. Are you in?

To: Trolling Craig

You are an asshole. I knew I should not have put this on CL.

To: Mellisa

Is that a no?

Hide the bodies

College kid needs extra work over summer break. Pretty fit can do most jobs. Very Dependable.  Call me if you are in the Omaha area and need some work done. $15/hr. Mike

To: Mike

What luck! I happen to need some manual labor done. I run a small orphanage just outside Omaha, we are funded by state dollars so I can offer $17/hr if you are interested.

Thanks,

Joe

To: Trolling Craig

I am VERY interested! What kind of work are we talking about? How many hours per day?

Mike

To:  Joe

Just ordinary manual labor. I need a bunch of holes dug and some wooden boxes buried in said holes. Each hole needs to be about 3ft long and about 2ft wide. They need to be pretty deep. The whole job will probably take about 2 months.

To: Trolling Craig

That’s strange. You burying gold LOL. How many boxes?

To: Joe

HAHA you have a great sense of humor. It is only 49 boxes.

To: Trolling Craig

49 boxes?! Jesus Christ. What is in the boxes?

To: Joe

Well Joe that is really not a question I am comfortable answering. How about 20/hr and no questions asked. I will provide the shovels. How tall are you Joe?

To: Trolling Craig

This sounds illegal. I don’t think I am interested. You sound shady. How many kids are you in charge of and what state agency do you report to?

To: Joe

I am not shady, I find that insulting.  We run a wonderful center here. We usually have about 50 kids here at any given time, but this summer we are empty.