Jesus weeps when you beat your meat

Leather IKEA — Computer Chair
I have moved, bought new furniture, and have no need for this computer chair. It’s in fantastic condition, no rips or wear, and operates with no trouble.
Please let me know if you have any questions, I am pretty responsive on e-mail.

To: Computer Dude

I saw the ad for the computer chair and I am interested in it, but have a couple questions. How used is it? Are you a serious computer geek that has logged hours in it? Is it a standard computer chair with the adjustable lift thingy? Is it comfortable?
Thanks,
Gloria

To: Trolling Craig

I have had it for about a year, and it’s totally comfortable. I weigh about 175lbs, and maybe spend an hour in it a week. So the wear really is minimal.
There are the standard adjustments, with the lifty thing and lock.

To: Frank

An hour a week really? I am not calling you a liar, but it is a documented fact that the average American spends at least 12 hours a week in front of the computer masturbating. I am sure this is not the case with you, because an hour a week would give you about 5 minutes to rub one out.

Now is the lift system a gas cylinder type or hydraulic oil type, because I have read about one of those that were over-pressurized and it ruptured and shot the cylinder up through the seat and into some poor Chinese kid’s ass. Killed him.

To: Trolling Craig

Well Gloria, the truth is I spend so much time at work in front of the computer masturbating, that I can hardly even sit down when I get home. It takes all day!!
As for the lift system, I have no idea really, just the standard, probably gas cylinder.

To: Frank

Although I see the humor in your response and appreciate it, I am required by my faith to tell you that Jesus weeps when you beat your meat. Would you consider taking $5 for the lightly masturbated in chair? It did look like there were a couple of damaged spots in the picture.

To: Trolling Craig

Well somebody is picking it up for full price actually, so as much as I’d like to take your offer…it would make my wallet mad. Good luck finding another lightly masturbated chair.

*Because he was such a great sport, we made “Frank” an offer of a donation to the charity of his choice. We have yet to get a response.