North Jersey Humanitarian

Good afternoon, My name is Patty and Im posting this ad hoping someone can help……..I know a family in nnj I met them off a chat group in yahoo. The mom is a single mom raising 3 children on her own and expecting one on the way. She is in need of help for the holidays. Her childrens father is not in the country and she has gone for state benifits and right now is is need, not only that she is also in need for the holidays. If anyone can help me please e-mail me back. I will give more info in a private e-mail……..

To: Patty

Patty, your story and selfless interest in this woman has lit a fire of compassion in my heart. I can only imagine how rough it must be for her during the holidays, with her husband abroad. That is why I will offer my services to her in her time of need. I am in North Jersey and I can see her on Tuesdays and Fridays. Of course someone will have to watch her kids, but I can devote at least 3-4 hours to her.

To: Trolling Craig

Actually we were looking for financial donations, but what service are you offering.

To: Patty

Don’t be naïve. With her husband out of the country and with three kids, this woman needs drilling worse than a West Hastings Oil Field. I am your man. I am 6’2” 187 lbs and hung pretty above average. I have 20 years experience in the field and am proficient in all positions.

To: Trolling Craig

You are a pig. This woman is pregnant and falling on hard times.

To: Patty

Wow. Talk about unappreciative. Here I am trying to reach out and touch a fellow human being’s life in this holiday season and you call me a pig? Maybe you need my services also. Tuesdays and Fridays are probably booked, but I can work you in on Monday, but it has to be before noon. BTW the pregnant thing is not a problem; I am very experienced in the Kama Sutra. I am sure we can find a position to suit her.

To: Trolling Craig

Why do you have to be an asshole? She needs your money not your wiener.

To: Patty

How do you know she doesn’t need my wiener? You haven’t seen it. It is pretty impressive. It goes about 10.5 and can be kinda tuff to get your hand around. She may need it pretty bad. I am betting she is drying up like an Oklahoma corn crop. I can fix that.

To: Trolling Craig

You are such a jerk……. 10.5 really???? You said you are in North Jersey?

False advertising at a Garage Sale

—Multi Family Garage Sale, SUNDAY, Oct. XX, RAIN OR SHINE.
LOTS of Great Stuff!!!

To: Liars

I visited your “garage” sale this weekend and was very disappointed in what I found. You people have no shame with your false advertising. I really should report you.

To: Trolling Craig

WTF are you talking about.

To: Liars

Oh now you want to play all coy. I showed up on Sunday and guess what there was no garage for sale at your fucking “garage sale” just a bunch of useless crap and ugly used circus tents.

To: Trolling Craig

You are kidding right? Is English your first language? Here is the real world a garage sale means a sale out of a garage. You know a yard sale.

To: Liars

If anybody here is having trouble with the English language, I would say it has to be the deceptive shysters that advertised something they weren’t selling. Here is the other real world, a dress sale means they are selling dresses. A bake sale means they are selling baked goods, and a computer sale means they are selling computers. Do you see a pattern here?

To: Trolling Craig

You are insane. Nobody sells a garage. Besides I think you have the wrong people, we never sold any circus tents.

To: Liars

OK I don’t want to fight about this. I could be mistaken about the circus tents; they very well could have been ladies dresses…..very large ladies dresses. The point is you advertised a “Multi Family Garage Sale” and I came to the sale specifically because I am in the market for an extra multifamily garage. You see I have imported (at great expense) several immigrant families to work for my business and I need a place to keep them. Hence, I need a multifamily garage.

To: Trolling Craig

You have to be the rudest man I have ever met. My wife has a glandular problem and for the last time we were not selling our garage. I am sorry you were mistaken.

To: Liars

You are right. The circus tent thing was out of line. I should have known by the telltale spaghetti stains on the front of the dresses that it was a gland problem and not just a large beast of a woman shoveling food into her pie-hole faster than Richard Gere chasing a gerbil. How about we just settle this up with you paying me for the gas I wasted driving all the way out to buy your non-existent multifamily garage and we call it even.

To: Trolling Craig

How about I kick your ass? I am not paying for your stupidity.

To: Liars

Look there is no need for physical violence.  We just have to find some middle ground here. How about you give me two of your wife’s dresses and I house the Mexican families under the stunning floral prints. Everybody wins.

To: Trolling Craig

Fuck off

Jesus weeps when you beat your meat

Leather IKEA — Computer Chair
I have moved, bought new furniture, and have no need for this computer chair. It’s in fantastic condition, no rips or wear, and operates with no trouble.
Please let me know if you have any questions, I am pretty responsive on e-mail.

To: Computer Dude

I saw the ad for the computer chair and I am interested in it, but have a couple questions. How used is it? Are you a serious computer geek that has logged hours in it? Is it a standard computer chair with the adjustable lift thingy? Is it comfortable?
Thanks,
Gloria

To: Trolling Craig

I have had it for about a year, and it’s totally comfortable. I weigh about 175lbs, and maybe spend an hour in it a week. So the wear really is minimal.
There are the standard adjustments, with the lifty thing and lock.

To: Frank

An hour a week really? I am not calling you a liar, but it is a documented fact that the average American spends at least 12 hours a week in front of the computer masturbating. I am sure this is not the case with you, because an hour a week would give you about 5 minutes to rub one out.

Now is the lift system a gas cylinder type or hydraulic oil type, because I have read about one of those that were over-pressurized and it ruptured and shot the cylinder up through the seat and into some poor Chinese kid’s ass. Killed him.

To: Trolling Craig

Well Gloria, the truth is I spend so much time at work in front of the computer masturbating, that I can hardly even sit down when I get home. It takes all day!!
As for the lift system, I have no idea really, just the standard, probably gas cylinder.

To: Frank

Although I see the humor in your response and appreciate it, I am required by my faith to tell you that Jesus weeps when you beat your meat. Would you consider taking $5 for the lightly masturbated in chair? It did look like there were a couple of damaged spots in the picture.

To: Trolling Craig

Well somebody is picking it up for full price actually, so as much as I’d like to take your offer…it would make my wallet mad. Good luck finding another lightly masturbated chair.

*Because he was such a great sport, we made “Frank” an offer of a donation to the charity of his choice. We have yet to get a response.